Anti-social Media
Does anyone remember…
what we used to do in the old days? Go to the neighbors for a visit. Hey Barb… c’mon in. Want some tea? oh hey let me move those papers, there now go ahead and sit down. How do you take it? Sure and I’ve got some great homemade shortbread to go with that.
After a day on Twitter I am more confused than anything. Oh I figured out how to use it alright. That’s not what confuses me. What confuses me are all the people who say they use twitter to build relationships. Building relationships has taken on a new meaning in the internet age. Oh you’re interacting alright… but building relationships? Sure ok….
There are a lot of people who want you on their follow list solely so they can send message after message about their business, their selling tool, their program…. me, me, me…. a whole bunch of people marking their territory in 140 characters or less.
There are other people who are carrying on conversations… while everyone else watches?? What’s with that? I’m getting highschool flashbacks… standing on the edge of the crowd watching the cheerleaders talk with the players. The players trying to appear twitty while the cheerleaders ooh and ahhhh.
Everyone is following some people and some people are following them, but there really isn’t any following going on. Most people have their "agenda". So I know I may be a little untrusting, maybe even a bit cynical but who are you recruiting from Twitter? Followers …. anyone?
There is a group of people that see it the way I would like to be able to see it. (the way it was described to me by SOME peope) Meet some new friends, be yourself, and what happens happens. Now how does this all translate into "BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS"? I think that phrase just means less applied to these "(anti) SOCIAL MEDIA" situations. OK maybe not LESS, just different. Some how "take a look at my website" took the place of "come on over for coffee".
Social media has allowed people to interact and share likes and dislikes with people all over the world, and they are doing it from their laptops and mobile devices even while they ARE in a real face to face social situation. Are you REALLY building relationships? And if so, my next question is WHY? What is your purpose? Because it seems like most people that I know who are trying to teach me "how to use twitter effectively" use the phrase "building relationships" as double speak for "developing leads".
What’s YOUR spin? If you have a positive "building relationships" story I would love for you to share it. If you don’t, … well share that too!
Does anyone ever just talk to someone anymore?
Shelley
Hi Shelly,
I’ve been on Twitter for a while now, but I’m still not sure that I “use” it effectively … or that I should be even trying to.
I think it is possible to build relationships from twitter … but not necessarily “on” twitter.
I personally finding it almost annoying to try to have real “conversations” when limited to 140 characters.
That being said, if I do like a little blurb that somebody tweets out from time to time, I might just go look to see if they have a blog … and see if that blog has any posts I might like to comment on … and if I find a reason to come back and comment enough, who knows it might lead to some relationshipping.
At this point, I’m not sure I have many new “friends” who I met through twitter … but twitter has allowed me to reconnect with some people who I’ve already known from elsewhere.
… I guess you could call that a success story.
Nice blog btw … I like the little birdie
Todd
November 25th, 2008 at 3:06 amI realized early on in facebook that many people who were continually updating their status were NOT doing it from within facebook but somewhere else, and that’s how I found Twitter. Some people say Twitter can be related to being on an Instant Message program. Do you remember a time when we were all told that we can build a business world wide through IM’s if we just learn to have conversations and how to show people what we do?
I remember trying that, and feeling very overwhelmed with it all. Feeling like everyone was there at the same time for the same reason and because of that, I found no value in it for myself because I was NOT there to be recruited and everyone else was already involved.
I don’t know. I see conversations going on all the time in Twitter but find it very hard to keep up with what’s going on mostly because for the most part, I only see half of the conversation. And for me, butting into someone else’s conversation is like having your neighbor just walk into your home and helping themselves to your life, making themselves at home when you never even had the chance to say Hello!
I’m sure it’s a good thing, Twitter that is, but I think the relationshipping aspect is getting lost there as well.
My opinion.
Karen
November 25th, 2008 at 7:38 amCan you build relationships on Twitter?
hmmmm lets see
My first day on Twitter I followed Lynn Terry,
one of the Gurus in my Niche (Marketing)
I had no clue what I was doing but I responded
to one of her Tweets
We chatted back and Forth a bit and I
Invited her to be on my Work at Home radio
show
Later she told me she was going to be at
a Marketing Event in Orlando so we met
in person
I have over Close to 6,000 followers
on Twitter and follow about the same
Have I spoke to every single one
of them?
Of course not
But I have spoken to many
I will scan Tweets on my timeline
and reply to some and start to make
friends with People
I will reply to anybody that asks
me a question
I guess the best thing to demonstrate
the power of Twitter is this:
Last night I had a webinar to show my
Network Marketing Team how Twitter works
The first thing I did was type this:
“Hey Everybody .. I’m Showing Twitter to some friends .. Please say Hello so they can see you!”
Within 5 minutes I had 50 or so responses
Another example ..
For a goof I typed the following a few weeks ago
“I may regret this but please tell me what kind
of person I appear to be on Twitter”
Got a TON of responses. Many from people that I
had never spoke to and they said I seemed like
a nice guy and had a good sense of humor
I had somebody sign up into my business the
other day who i had never spoken to but had
seen me on Twitter
So can you build relationships on Twitter?
you tell me
Jack
P.S. If you are in Network Marketing (My
November 25th, 2008 at 8:22 amcompetition) Twitter doesn’t work. You should
go recruit your Aunt Sophie and / or buy some
leads
As a social media practitioner and author (”Social Media Marketing: An Hour a Day”) I have a distinct POV on “anti-social.” At the core of what you (Shelley) are saying I think you are right. There is a whole lot of “friending” going on that has nothing to with “friends,” certainly in the local sense that remains so essential to physical communities.
That said, there is also an emerging value to compiling a network. You are right too: it’s not “me me me” but rather “you you you.” For example, you are a nurse with a passion around taking charge of one’s own health. In my relatively modest network (Twitter, Facebook, Linked In are my primaries) there are only a few other people who a) share that passion, and b) like you, have some sort of credentialed background that informs his or her views. So, my personal resources are now greater than they were before we connected: in other words, the collective is making available expertise beyond my own or that of my immediate circle of physical friends.
The impact of this can be seen in lots of ways: For me, my focus is marketing. In marketing, the impact of the collective voice on a pending purchase is huge. Beyond the hyped ads, beyond the sales person with vested interest, and beyond my own judgement (more often than not flawed!) I have an entire body to draw on for advice on what to buy and what to avoid. That helps me to be a better consumer, and in the process helps the companies I work for make better stuff.
Offline (what an expression, eh?) I’ve lived in the same house for over 20 years, in a neighborhood that values above all else “just stopping in.” Visiting friends (see http://www.flickr.com/photos/daveandjen/3059034402/ for example, on vacation with friends in Canada) is a fundamentally important thing for us.
Yes Shelley, people should stop in for tea more often. Thank you for your thoughts on this, and have a super day.
November 25th, 2008 at 8:50 amHi Shelley,
Good post with thought a provoking question. My answer stems from my own Twitter experience.
I’ve been on Twitter for 6 months. The first 4 months, I was probably like the masses, shy and afraid to post a tweet. When I did, it was usually meaningless chit-chat.
One day, something dramatically changed. Someone tweeted a question that I knew the answer to. I tweeted back with that answer and a link supporting it.
I received back a very nice comment, complimenting me for the generosity of my knowledge. (Believe me, it wasn’t that big a thing, imo.)
It was then I ‘got it’. Twitter and other social media venues are about making friends, just like we do in the real world.
You help someone because you want to, not for any other reason. Because it’s the right and friendly thing to do.
I know there are others who are simply using Twitter to build their following so they can market to them. So be it. They’re missing the true value of Twitter.
To date, I’ve met a throng of people on Twitter. Probably a dozen or so I would call new friends. These new friends are scattered all over the world, from SE Asia through North America to Europe.
Without Twitter, I would’ve never met them. My life is being enriched by them and I’m doing the best I can to enrich their lives. Without expecting anything in return, except friendship.
To me, building true relationships rests on the foundation of friendship.
btw, nice blog design, I like it.
David Tinney
November 25th, 2008 at 8:56 am@david_tinney
[...] Anti-social Media [...]
November 25th, 2008 at 9:04 amJack says”
“P.S. If you are in Network Marketing (My
competition) Twitter doesn’t work. You should
go recruit your Aunt Sophie and / or buy some
leads”
But Jack… haven’t you made my point a little easier to understand? In my last paragraph I said, “Because it seems like most people that I know who are trying to teach me “how to use twitter effectively” use the phrase “building relationships” as double speak for “developing leads”.”
Are you using Twitter to get signups for your network marketing business? Is that all I am? A tool for you to develop more leads? And do you guage your relationships by how many people respond to your request for a response? And did you REALLY ask people what they thought of you on Twitter? (I thought I was narcissistic! LOL)
I was thinking wouldn’t it be fun to get a blackberry embedded in your belly button? (While I am navel gazing can tweet at the same time. haha)
November 25th, 2008 at 9:26 amTo Dave Evans… you’ve already won me over… yes even before you posted this incredibly thoughtful, thought provoking reply. I wrote about you http://www.shelleysaid.com/2008/11/what-is-social-media/
November 25th, 2008 at 9:27 am@Dave Tinney Isn’t it wonderful when you KNOW you can add value because you have the answer someone else is looking for? I love how you describe your “coming out”. See how you describe Twitter is definitely what I want it to be for me. I don’t want to be just another tweep with something to sell!
November 25th, 2008 at 9:30 am======
Are you using Twitter to get signups for your
network marketing business? Is that all I am? A tool for you to develop more leads?
=======
I use to Twitter to make new friends and
enrich my life with new relationships …
- Some will want to join my Network Marketing
business
- Some will want to use my product as a tool
Some will be none of the above - I immediately
block them so not to waste my time (ha ha I’m just kidding!)
I have over 5,000 Tweets on Twitter. I have mentioned my business maybe 10 times.
I don’t openly promote on Twitter
I make friends and the business comes naturally
===========
And did you REALLY ask people what they thought of you on Twitter? (I thought I was narcissistic! LOL)
======
C’mon Shelly you know me for awhile. If you look
in the dictionary under “ham” they have my
picture
Jack Bastide
November 25th, 2008 at 9:53 am@JackBastide I hope you didn’t take my post as an insult! I know you well, love you more! I’m teasing you. (p.s. no really I AM narcissistic. Please spell my name right!!
)
Shelley
November 25th, 2008 at 10:06 amInsult .. Nah
After The MLM vs Big Ticket wars on MLM.com this is a walk in the park
Jack
November 25th, 2008 at 10:14 amI know Jack Bastide as a ‘ham’. He’s genuine, too, as I follow his Twitter stream and he follows mine. He’s offered some advice along and posted some really funny tweets too, and NOT bombarded me with affiliate links. Jack knows the value of Twitter.
just imho.
David
November 25th, 2008 at 10:35 amThanks David
Where do I send Payment?
Jack
November 25th, 2008 at 11:24 amShelley, you make some really good points here. There is a fine line between trolling for customers and actually making friends. At gomom, we’re sort of in between. Our goal is to promote our site, but the way we hope we’re doing it is by having our editors express their personality (and thereby, the personality of the site) in their tweets. We do have the occasional link to our content, but the main thing we try to do is communicate with Twitter users in our space (women) and hope they like our Twittered content enough to check out our site content too. Unless you actually offer some valuable content in your tweets, apart from simply flogging your site, you’re not using Twitter as two way communication, but only one way shameless (and boring) promotion.
And, one more thing, I don’t care what you had for lunch.
November 25th, 2008 at 12:06 pmWow a lot of thought after just a day on Twitter.
I personally have met people from Twitter in person and have built relationships with them.
There are others who I can’t wait to meet in person one day. And, there’s some that I’m following, that odds are I’ll never meet face to face but that’s cool too.
I actually just yesterday deleted a lot of “local friends” who I thought were ‘true friends’ and have known for years and yet when I was in need yesterday, not one single local previously known friend came through yet LOTS on Twitter did. So, you tell me…
As far as building relationships via Twitter…YES can and has been done. I value my connections there more so than my so called local friends who care less than my new friends on Twitter.
I develop relationships and business comes from there. I’ve done business with many whom I’ve come to know on Twitter and vice versa with my businesses.
I usually don’t outright promote my businesses there…but do mention every now and again as well as promoting other people’s businesses, their blogs, help with contests, give away goods/services, etc.
I talk shop, I talk personal, I am who I am and love the 140 character limit because I personally don’t read much more than that unless it’s really really good stuff!
November 25th, 2008 at 12:25 pm@Tom oooo “I don’t care what you had for lunch” … that’s funny. For the ;longest time I had a nose up about twitter because I figured that’s what everyone was doing. “I’m doing this or that” I know people want to be heard but some things we can take for granted that everyone does at least a couple of times a day!
I understand HOW you use twitter Tom, and you’ve got a real great site, but again… you employ a marketing strategy … you have a goal… to get me to do something.
It worked… I love what I saw of goMom site and linked to you in the sidebar. This is a non-judgement.
Hey I know I am going to meet people that are going to fall in love with me and want to follow me everywhere.
I just hate for my entire life to be about that. And Twitter, for many people IS their entire life. I find myself feeling sad for the hordes of people who have grown up thinking that you’re supposed to be nice to people because one day you might want to sell them something.
November 25th, 2008 at 2:46 pm@Tara Thank you so much for stopping by Tara. Of course we are all going to mention our business from time to time. We would do that in face to face friendships too. Thanks for reminding me of that!
I understand what you mean about twitter ‘connections seeming to care more than your ‘real’ friends do. Here is some food for thought… is it easier for internet ‘friends’ to give the apparance of caring because they aren’t going to run into you at the Bargain Bin? NON face to face relationshipping is easier. If I don’t reply right away, I can say I was offline. The 2009 version of “my dog ate my homework”.
Don’t be too hard on your ‘true’ friends. local relationships can be more demanding and have different expectations, and they just may be finding their Twitter friends more understanding too! ?
November 25th, 2008 at 2:52 pmOh no, trust me not being too hard on supposed friends that are local. Twitter friends picked up phones called long distance & emails for me yesterday. Local’s didn’t do diddly, one of which was a pastor so yea I’ll hold locals/pastors to a higher degree of ‘accountability’ than I would my twitter friends and yet twitter friends have yet to let me down whereas locals have time and time again.
November 25th, 2008 at 3:25 pmHi Shelley,
These are my thoughts:
Social media sites and communities…when used properly are just big parties where people who are alike naturally find one another.
They are places where folks share knowledge and make acquaintances…places where folks exchange ideas.
Since the beginning of time at any function anywhere there have been aggressive promoters that people ran from…go to any PTO meeting or town function and there is a real estate agent or over zealous home party rep working the crowd…and people avoid that person…
It is inevitably going to be the same on a social site—anywhere people gather there will be buffoons…
But on the flip side…anywhere people gather there will be genuine connections made…
Business…personal…
As humans we were BORN to connect…
Social media sites like Twitter just give us places to do that…
And the people who WIN are the ones who GIVE ten times more than they get.
As we are ALWAYS attracted to people who move in that vein.
As a marketer (especially as an internet marketer) I always focus on ways to have more people observe me to see if we connect. Social media sites give us a way to share content and have it seen by THOUSANDS a day as opposed to presenting one by one. Out of the thousands of folks that observe my content…a few are excited by what I do and contact me…the rest hang out with me because I am helping them with all kinds of tips and training while I market. It is a total win-win. There are many I hang out with and get tips from even though what they market is not a match for me. These colleague relationships are as valuable if not more valuable than the customers I may gather.
It’s all a big party
Jokes and fun…side conversations on sports and music, tv, marketing and YES…our products and services.
I learned a long time ago not to beg folks for their money…I beg for more time with them(figuratively) The longer we spend together the more like we are to do business together.
Social media let me do just that—spend time
So that’s my take on all of it.
November 25th, 2008 at 3:35 pmI think it is possible to build a relationship on Twitter, but it won’t be with everyone, and not even all of your own followers. I personally do have a few people that I almost solely talk with on Twitter that I really met through Twitter even.
I also have several acquaintances from Twitter. Not people I have a big relationship with, but I tweet back and forth with regularly.
Then I have another group that offer me something - whether it is discounts for things they are selling, or biz info I might use, funny links, etc. There is no personal relationship at all.
Just like in real life, I have a variety of different relationships with different people.
Robyn
November 25th, 2008 at 7:09 pmBlog: http://robynsonlineworld.blogspot.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/RobynsWorld
Twitter is an experience unlike others. Great to find links to information I might not have found elsewhere, great exposure to more people. Relationships? Hm. Simple answer is no. I have renewed friendships misplaced over the years, and keep in touch with those I already know. New relationships/business building? Not yet.
It keeps me interested. Don’t know if I will build new relationships.
Carla
November 26th, 2008 at 9:36 amHi Shelley,
What a great discussion. I guess everyone uses Twitter for different purposes and in different ways. You (that’s the universal you) will naturally gravitate toward people who are like minded. Those with an attitude of abundance and truly helping others will find others like that. And I think the ones just trying to sell their business or product will eventually understand that that’s not the most effective way to go.
I have met some great people on Twitter but because there is so little space to write, we’ve carried the conversation to skype or phone or email (if we really want to get to know one another).
Ultimately I’m grateful for Twitter because then I wouldn’t have met you and I really like what you have to say.
all the best,
Cindy
November 26th, 2008 at 5:34 pmIf you think Twitter is confusing, overwhelming, frivolous, time-wasting and anti-social, join the crowd. I had those same reactions when I first discovered it.
Eight months later, I couldn’t live without Twitter. It’s one of the best marketing tools to be found anywhere. And where else can you get an answer to just about any question in minutes?
If you don’t like an aspect of it, take what you like and leave the rest.
November 27th, 2008 at 6:55 am@Joan “If you don’t like an aspect of it, take what you like and leave the rest.”
OOOOO Fantastic advice Joan! See as a newbie I didn’t even realize that customization was an option. Please tell me what I need to do.
Thank you so much!
November 27th, 2008 at 7:14 am@Cindy… you’re sweet! I agree that Twitter is a great place to get exposure that you may not have had from somewhere else. And if you use twitter to get your daily stroke, like Jack seems to do, then asking a bunch of strangers how they like you seems like a fine way to use Twitter, but is there the HUGE value that some people seem to think it is? Or is it an illusion. A distraction that keeps you busy…I’ve already noticed that some people are twittering every time I pop over there to check messages. They spend hours a day in twitter. When I take hours every day and apply them productively I have a LOT more to show for it than a bunch of people saying “I think you seem like a nice guy”.
Diane says “Anywhere people gather there will be connections made.” and starts another sentence with “as a marketer”, which makes one of my points. Dave Evans above clarified my point by saying this “There is a whole lot of “friending” going on that has nothing to with “friends,” certainly in the local sense that remains so essential to physical communities.”
My point is, these aren’t friends you are making, not in the sense of how I grew up feeling friendship. When someone says, “I’ll follow anyone who follows me back” that has nothing to do woth relationships and people are kidding themsleves.
JMO of course.
Someone said to me yesterday in a ‘tweet’ … about your post.. how long have you been on Twitter?”
I answered 2 days and you? (Of course I realized that she was attempting to make a point that since I had only been participating for 2 days my reference couldn’t possibly be relevant, or even important, but I pretended otherwise)
So she responded.. “.I’ve been on about two months, I think, since Sept. Was curious b/c of your blog post, as I have made good friends on here”
Which again makes my point that social networking is changing what relationships and friendships actually mean. In the REAL world “good friends” take time to develop. But to have considered that one has made “good friends” in the plural sense… well again, we live in a needy attention starved world. I feel like I am in some kind of alternate reality.
If you feel like you’ve made good friends on twitter, I am not here to say you haven’t. I am just interested in examining how that is different from the social and belief structure I grew up with.
November 27th, 2008 at 7:37 amThere are Twitter customizatons galore. Too many to mention here. All are explained in The Twitter Handbook, the best resource on Twitter, by Warren Whitlock and Deb Micek.
You can download yours for free at TwitterHandbook.com
November 28th, 2008 at 1:17 pmNo need to mention all of them Joan. If you could just mention the ones that allow me to “take what I like and leave the rest” that would be lovely.
November 28th, 2008 at 3:08 pm@Joan Stewart and also @Joan Stewart The Publicity Hound
I so wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, so before I commented on your comment I did go and download the Twitter Handbook. The Twitter Handbook is a fantastic resource, no doubt about it, but there is no way to customize Twitter to “take what you like and leave the rest”. I looked, because I wanted to believe that your comment was all warm and nice and helpful.
I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I also believe that expressing that opinion in a public place is a very good way to stimulate discussion. That seems to be what has happened here, and I am deeply grateful to those who would seek to express what Twitter means to them, and how they have found value (or not).
I believe that taking what one doesn’t like about anything and making changes or improvements (see Twitter Apps in The Twitter Handbook) is indeed what makes something palatable that once was unpalatable. I believe that telling someone to “take what you like and leave the rest” is a statement that is designed to stifle differing viewpoints and is not in the spirit of open communication.
I could be wrong, but when you spend 8 months twittering (making your point in a sentence or two) misunderstandings are bound to happen. THAT I believe is one of the big downfalls of Twitter. If people get used to communication in little wee bursts, how ever will any meaningful communication take place?
November 28th, 2008 at 3:53 pm